It’s been hard to put Sam to sleep recently. Some nights we struggle to put him to bed from dinner time at 7, till close to midnight. Our routine goes something like: cry, pick up, rock till sleepy, put down, cry, repeat. some cycles are interspersed with milk bottle, and / or a diaper refreshment exercise.
On really rare occasions (i write this in hope), it may involve a full body wipe down or bath (details have been left out to protect our younger readers).
Most nights, our house becomes the night safari. This is where we, the exhibits, perform musicals, lion dance routines, and some rhythmic gymnastics (floor exercises to be exact) in the dark.
but still…the wide eyed creature keeps staring at you in the dark, complete with dilated pupils and untiring eyelids.
We’d like to believe that we have developed enhanced low light visual acuity, to see where we are going in a completely dark environment. Actually we found something that helps when moving from a bright living room to a dark bedroom: using red light (much like how red light is used in submarines or air traffic control rooms at night). It helps our eyes adjust quicker to the low light conditions, and allows us to read the manual that comes with the baby (hah!). More on the Purkinje Effect here!
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, a little cough or the closing of doors startles him awake.
Have you ever felt gassy?
Had some indigestion perhaps?
Need to burp or fart, but don’t know how?
Follow these steps to find the secret to calm and confident adulting:
Step 1: Pick up baby (any baby within arms reach, really)
Step 2: Prop baby up with one hand, and cup the other imagining yourself as a 5 year old being an escavator.
Step 3: Hit the baby, gently, with your cupped hand, using consistent repeated motions.
Note: it is at this point where you will find relief from your symptoms. You will either burp, belch or fart.
Note 2: baby will need another 30mins to achieve what you have done.
Step 4: Repeat as necessary.
Picture below shows alternative methods of pacifying a baby. Example shows how the ‘suck on the nose technique’ is applied.
Thou shalt not hit the sore, bruised, and uncomfortable factory that produces our basic nourishment. The ramifications of our actions could be far reaching. For example, the factory could shut down due to worker strikes, or emergency evacuation due to earthquake.
Want to eat? here are some dos and donts:
1) Do not hit / scratch the breast
2) Do not anyhowly bite the nipple – you will discover the horrors of the bhai’i what colour when you grow up
3) Do not fight the hand that correctly positions your head – it’s for your own (and mummy’s) good.
4) Do not purposely fall asleep at the breast – we don’t fall asleep at the dining table, and neither should you.
5) Do latch properly on the nipple – off centre to the areola is much appreciated
6) Do drink up (you’ll have to do this 18 years down the road as well, training starts early)
7) Do look satisfied after drinking, even if you are still hungry